The Gangbang Girl 32 is, apparently, visual proof that all sorts of Trojans have been in action in the Los Angeles Colliseum. Most people are familiar with the fact that the University of Southern California “Fighting Trojans” play their home football games in the stadium, which has also hosted Olympic games. Not so many people – including anyone in the local government according to news reports – are aware that a second set of Trojans may have found their way onto the hallowed turf of that field, swinging proudly from the swords of some excellent porn stars.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the movie Gangbang Girl 32 is unquestionably shot at the iconic stadium.

The filming at the taxpayer-owned stadium was done at night, with the Coliseum’s towering lights blazing and its rows of distinctive red and white seats framing many of the scenes. The video also shows the stadium’s signature tunnel, which the Trojan team charges through at the start of games, as well as a sliver of the iconic peristyle, the arched entrance to the Coliseum.

There are no reports confirming whether or not Trojans contributed to Gangbang Girl 32 – either the football players or the trusty rubber heroes of many a contraceptive effort – but it is almost a certainty that 18 to 22 year-old testosterone laden lads would have liked to join the fun. This further confirms that public financing of massive sports stadiums doesn’t always simply help rich sports team owners. In fact, Los Angeles helpfully provided a decent porn movie that is worth the watch.

Would the founders of the Rose Bowl have approved of Aurora Snow sucking cock on the 50 yard line? Who cares? This is a great use of a football field, and one that we hope catches on around the world. Anyway, the gang tackling in this movie is as good as any you’ll see on a Saturday night in a football game, and only about a thousand times sexier. You won’t find any punting in this action! Check it out for yourself, and you’ll likely agree with this assessment.

Sometimes all it takes is a good explanation to get out of a sticky situation. And then there are REALLY sticky situations. Hat tip to HotMoviesforHer:

 

 

The weird and wonderful Internets has given us another gem.
This time answering the age age old question – What is on the blackboard in the back of that porno I saw on Thursday?

Someone has created a blog deciphering the cryptic messages that occupy the background of some of our wildest fantasies.

I’ve long since given up the “why” response. I now focus on “How can I help?”

For you Mr. Blackboard Deciphering and Researching Porn Nerd:

Here is how we can help:

1. Finding Porn Movies with Blackboards – This one is kind of easy. You could start by searching teachers, but why? Let’s start instead with the low hanging fruit – Scene Search – With 2 clicks you have 2,363 scenes that take place in the classroom.

2. Getting Pictures finding SFW pictures isn’t exactly easy, but grabbing screen shots is.

  • Use the Silverlight Player
  • Open Google Picassa (not the web site, the program, if you don’t have this you are missing out on life) *
  • Watch the movie, when blackboard is on screen press the “Alt” key and the “PrtScn” button on your keyboard. This will create a file you can crop, edit and generally mess with to better read the blackboard.

3. Decipher what’s on the board – This one can be kind of difficult. But you don’t necessarily have to do it. Just write the general idea down and let the blackboard in porn guy do it.
3. Email exported pictures along with information to blackboardsinporn (@) gmail

http://www.hotmovies.com/video/104891/Barely-Legal-Straight-A-Students/
– scene 4 – French class – Manuel Ferrara writes on board –
http://www.hotmovies.com/video/4184/Jade-with-Teto-Sledgehammer/ – characters write on the board etc. build sentences using the words.
http://www.hotmovies.com/video/99742/Westgate-Old-School-Detention-With-The-Head-Girl/ – older movie – title of movie is written on blackboard
http://www.hotmovies.com/video/155728/Daddy-s-Lil-Whore-2/ -scene 2 – equations and text – lee stone – This one will take some work to figure out.
http://www.hotmovies.com/video/202274/Sex-Education-101-Tory-Lane-vs-Angelina-Valentine/ – kind of lame – Sex Education 101 – all in CAPS – Mrss. Valentine
http://www.hotmovies.com/video/171660/Morgana-Dark-s-Lesbian-Fantasies/ – scene 4 – Portugese – looks like basic sex education on the blackboard

* I’m on a PC. If you are MAC I have no clue, but I’m guessing it might be just as easy.
if you have Picassa open and press the Alt + print screen button an actual file is made instead of it only going to your clipboard.

Gordon Ramsay Midget Look-Alike Found Dead by Badger

Before reading this article, please take a second to truly absorb that gloriously awful headline.

Thank you.

In a world where little people become famous for resembling not-so-little celebrities, Percy Foster was about to be crowned as porn royalty. The 35 year-old midget was discovered by a production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It’s Up Your Arse We Go, for being a convincing pint-sized look-alike of Master Chef’s Gordon Ramsay. Once the connection was made, the Adult Industry began their traditional sprint through hatching pornified ideas.

In the words of sage Ferris Bueller, “Life Moves Pretty Fast.” There is not much information available as to why Percy Foster may have buckled under the weight of the porn world, but those close to him have commented on his high stress levels following his burst into look-alike stardom. Adult Industry Producer Dexter Yamunkeh says, “Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business.” Therefore, suicide has not been ruled out in Percy’s case.

The 3’6″ Foster was found partially eaten by Ministry of Agriculture workers planning badger-gassing near Tregaron in Western Wales. It is still a mystery as to how his body ended up at the bottom of this six-foot deep badger den. When asked for inner-office comment, T.J. HotMovies had this for response:

So here at HotMovies.com headquarters (a massive Cobra-shaped stone obelisk hidden in the jungles of Central America,) we store every last one of our 150,000 porno movies. We have our own servers, hosting like 4 quadrillion gigs of streaming video, an underground helipad, a blood diamond mine, and a giant machine that crushes the diamonds into crack cocaine, but I digress. Anyway- for every movie we encode and upload to our servers, we also have a physical copy to go with it. That means we have more than 150,000 DVDs, VHS tapes, laser discs, and whatever all stored in a huge underground vault. Companies send them to us and we encode them. Well sometimes they send us more than one.

This happens every once in a while, and in the ten years or so we’ve been porn-mongers, they have piled up. They piled up high. Real high. It’s hard to say, but to me it looks like maybe 5,000 to 10,000; maybe even like 20,000 extra porno DVDs. They just sit there in boxes, providing no boners, and that ain’t right.

Boxes full of porn

so... much... porn...

boxes packed with pornos

boxes... overflowing... can't...

so much of it

show... all of it...

So what can we do with them? I know what you’re thinking, you greedy American Capitalist pigs, you think we should sell them. Well we already do- on the internet. The studios sent this stuff to us in good faith for encoding purposes, so we’re not going to turn around and start slinging them on eBay or something. Besides, HotMovies programmed a computer that wrote an algorithm, that told it to hire a lawyer, who advised them to hire me – to use our power for good, not evil. There are starving children in Somalia who would love to have this porn.

Thing is, giving away thousands of porno DVDs is a lot harder than it sounds. Half the people don’t believe me, and the other half are just perverts who aren’t needy- they’re just cheap. It turns out that the Salvation Army is a Christian organization, and they didn’t appreciate it when I showed up with a shady white van full of porn. I tried giving them out on the street, but the cops chased me ten blocks. They only stopped when I threw the box down so I could run faster.

So I’m kind of lost. Who needs porn? Non-profit sperm banks? Mormons? The troops?

Philadelphia, PA – A rare 5.9 earthquake shook the HotMovies.com corporate headquarters Tuesday afternoon, resulting in nobody hurt and nothing damaged, but terrifying everyone inside.

The building was briefly evacuated, and the east-coasters, un-used to geological events of any kind, were both literally and figuratively shaken. “I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I’ll be up just waiting. I have to call my cats,” said a marketing operative who wisely refused to identify himself. Visibly jumpy, he then added, “What was that?”

“I was worried about my collection of mint condition Buffy the Vampire Slayer figures which are still in the package,” said James Cybert, director of Business Development. As of press time, only an old Brianna Banks action figure had fallen down. Cybert has launched an investigation to find out if that incident was related to Tuesday’s earthquake.

Authorities dispute whether or not the sexual immorality, prolific at Philadelphia’s HotMovies.com headquarters, may have played a role in the rare quake. So far, divine retribution cannot be ruled out as a factor.

According to the United States Geological Survey, the earthquake Tuesday afternoon was the worst earthquake in the entire world- that day. Still, streaming video service at HotMovies.com went uninterrupted, and the corporate headquarters remains the world’s largest internet archive of adult video on demand.

Capri-Anderson-Charlie-Sheen-Roast

One of the most memorable Charlie Sheen related porn stars to date, Capri Anderson, has requested to become a member of the Charlie Sheen Roast guests. Capri has reportedly been in contact with none other than the celebrity roast master himself, Mr. Jeff Ross. Ross is said to be “interested” in having Anderson on the show, which is set to air September 19th. Besides the obvious controversial quality of having a woman “roast” the man who allegedly assaulted her, airing a major Charlie Sheen special on the same night as Ashton Kutcher’s debut as Charlie Sheen’s character on “Two and a Half Men” creates a TV double whammy.

Recently, Charlie Sheen dropped a lawsuit against Capri Anderson in reaction to her account of their evening together in New York last October. Sheen has stated Anderson “fabricated a sensational tale about being assaulted, battered and held against her will” in an attempt to “embarrass him and… damage his career”. Assuming all of this is true altercation, there’s no telling what could happen between Charlie Sheen and Capri Anderson live on Comedy Central. Plenty of Roast guests have made widely-considered “over-the-line” comments over the years, and this pairing is ripe for a live altercation.

Charlie Sheen Roast emcee, Seth MacFarlane, has a full order of drama to contend with this time around.

Porn Fairy lurks around every dirty cornerLong ago, before the age of high speed internet and mobile devices, adolescent boys and girls had no porn to Google. They sat awake at night, watching U.S.A. Up All Night for just enough T&A to carry them through. They peered through scrambled cable signals like cold war spies operating a cypher for a glimpse of a telltale nipple. They tossed and turned on their unrequited libidos, as it were a pea beneath the mattress tormenting them.

But all was not hopeless, for in the woods between the neighborhoods, or the spaces between the dumpsters in the alley was a pot of gold. By the side of the freeway, or the crawl space of your friend’s grandfather’s house was a treasure that seemed to be another’s trash.

Porn! In magazine or VHS, DVD or poster, we found it. In the most unlikely spots or bricked together by water damage, we found it in stacks. Now even the most noobian end user is just a Google away from naked ladies (and even people really doing it,) but the legend of The Porn Fairy lives on.

Some say he still stalks the trash filled, tiny wooded areas between neighborhoods with a garbage bag full of porn like some fucked-up Easter bunny. Tell us about how you found porn for the first time, either hidden away by The Porn Fairy, or on the internet, or wherever.

Click for more pictures of The Porn Fairy

The Legend of The Porn Fairy The Porn Fairy spreads his wings
Porn Fairy becomes invisible when he stands still Porn Fairy cannot resist his curiosity
Porn Fairy loves to prance across the countryside Porn Fairy looks to dump his adult video stash

There has been a lot of buzz recently surrounding the new Anchorman XXX Parody, and things have heated up even more since the set was visited by FunnyorDie.com’s Hal Rudnick. Hal took some time to ask the Anchorman porn parody’s stars what parts of the original Anchorman movie were there favorites. Once those questions seem to fall on distracted ears, Hal turns to the hot topic issues of today.

“In Anchorman: A XXX Parody, top notch anchorman Ron Burgundy (Jack Lawrence) moves his roots from San Diego to the fine trappings of Los Angeles — and he brings the entire Channel 4 News Team with him. Unfortunately, Brian (Dale DaBone), Brick (Anthony Rosano) and Champ (Eric Masterson) are all unemployed. In an effort to restart their once stellar careers, the gang and their fearless leader must join forces with the ever-popular Veronica Corningstone (Tasha Reign) and her all-female news team. Anchorman: A XXX Porn Parody also features Adriana Sephora, Dylan Ryan, Aiden Starr, Dana DeArmond and India Summer.”
XBIZ

Continuing to perpetrate the seemingly endless realization that offering to have sex with a public figure buys a certain amount of marketing and advertising for nothing, Joanna Angel has written a Steven Hirsch copy-cat letter to none other than Anthony Weiner. The letter was posted by XBIZ.com on Friday, and it was made clear that the post date was for June 8th. This would make great sense if this was actually a development, and not the cheap marketing ploy reality can’t help but dictate it to be.



Dear Mr. Weiner:

Thank you for taking the time to read my inquiry. My name is Joanna Angel (aka: Punk Rock Porn Princess) and founder/owner of BurningAngel.com. I’m also a Jew, like you.

In lieu of your recent troubles within the mainstream press, and your obvious love and obsession with porn, sexting, twexting and there must be some voyeurism in there too, I cordially invite you to do a legitimate sex scene with me where 100% of the profits go to charity.

So what do you think?

Of course, your wife can join us. I love three-ways! Considering the leaked pictures of your cock, I’d welcome the opportunity for a back-door man.

Since you know Twitter so well, follow me @joannaangel

Yours in dirty sexy porn,

Xoxo – Joanna Angel



If Joanna Angel was being more mindful of the news, she might see a much more realistic opportunity to poke her nose into the political sex game. Sammie Spades, Hilary Clinton’s double D blonde intern during the summer of 2006, has already traded in her pants-suit for less restricting garments on camera. Of course, it does cost much more to make a real deal.