So here at HotMovies.com headquarters (a massive Cobra-shaped stone obelisk hidden in the jungles of Central America,) we store every last one of our 150,000 porno movies. We have our own servers, hosting like 4 quadrillion gigs of streaming video, an underground helipad, a blood diamond mine, and a giant machine that crushes the diamonds into crack cocaine, but I digress. Anyway- for every movie we encode and upload to our servers, we also have a physical copy to go with it. That means we have more than 150,000 DVDs, VHS tapes, laser discs, and whatever all stored in a huge underground vault. Companies send them to us and we encode them. Well sometimes they send us more than one.

This happens every once in a while, and in the ten years or so we’ve been porn-mongers, they have piled up. They piled up high. Real high. It’s hard to say, but to me it looks like maybe 5,000 to 10,000; maybe even like 20,000 extra porno DVDs. They just sit there in boxes, providing no boners, and that ain’t right.

Boxes full of porn

so... much... porn...

boxes packed with pornos

boxes... overflowing... can't...

so much of it

show... all of it...

So what can we do with them? I know what you’re thinking, you greedy American Capitalist pigs, you think we should sell them. Well we already do- on the internet. The studios sent this stuff to us in good faith for encoding purposes, so we’re not going to turn around and start slinging them on eBay or something. Besides, HotMovies programmed a computer that wrote an algorithm, that told it to hire a lawyer, who advised them to hire me – to use our power for good, not evil. There are starving children in Somalia who would love to have this porn.

Thing is, giving away thousands of porno DVDs is a lot harder than it sounds. Half the people don’t believe me, and the other half are just perverts who aren’t needy- they’re just cheap. It turns out that the Salvation Army is a Christian organization, and they didn’t appreciate it when I showed up with a shady white van full of porn. I tried giving them out on the street, but the cops chased me ten blocks. They only stopped when I threw the box down so I could run faster.

So I’m kind of lost. Who needs porn? Non-profit sperm banks? Mormons? The troops?

The not at all pedo or incestuous set of Not the Bradys XXX

Director Will Ryder and actor Teagan Presley

Philadelphia, PA HotMovies.com partners up with X-Play Media to indulge your dirty youthful sitcom memories with more exclusive porn parodies. Director Will Ryder’s unique brand of pornifying our favorite shows from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s will street throughout this month.

In the distant past, before reality TV and high speed mobile connections, an entire generation was raised on sitcoms like The Brady Bunch and the Married with Children, which were all unintentionally steeped in sexual tension. Now the people who watched those shows are all grown up, and they want to see some fucking porn.

“Series like Not the Brady Bunch XXX and Not the Cosby Show XXX are still really popular X-Play titles that bring sex to our favorite shows from back in the day,” said James Cybert, HotMovies director of business development. “I’ve waited a long time to see an actual threesome on Three’s Company. I just wish Don Knotts could be here to see this.”

“These new spoofs are a post-modern triumph,” Cybert continued “but really I just want to see Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner do it. Unless someone has some long lost sex tapes, I’ll take Bree Olsen and Dale Dabone.”

An anonymous fan commented, “A Charlie’s Angels porno parody with Andy San Dimas? The Bionic Woman XXX with Bree Olsen in the titular role? Will Ryder is doing the right thing; the right thing for America.”

It’s not all old shows like Bewitched and <a href="http://www.hotmovies.com/video/190166/Not-MASH-XXX/" title="Not Mash" target="_blank"MASH. Not Jennifer Lopez: An American Idol stars the super foxy Renae Cruz, and Ryder collects them all for Not Charlie Sheen’s House of Whores XXX.

All these porno sitcom parodies and more are going to be released exclusively on HotMovies.com throughout this month.

The HotMovies studio team can be reached at 1-800-611-MOVIE.

Adult Videos on Demand - MILF Magnet 6Lexington Steele enjoys the sexual company of women; a wide age range of women. In today’s release of the all-interracial MILF Magnet 6, Steele indulges in the affections of four, busty, so-called “older” women, some familiar and some new to the scene.

Starring an impressive cast of women who ooze experience and prove that older means bolder; Michelle McLaren, Shay Fox, Friday and Karen Fisher all appear with three-time AVN Male Performer of the Year and Mercenary Pictures owner Lexington Steele.

While McLaren and Friday have both had the Lexington Steele experience, Fisher and Fox are first-timers to working with the international award-winning actor/director in MILF Magnet 6.

“I’ve had the pleasure of working with Michelle McLaren recently in Lex Steele XXX 14. The response to our first scene together demanded that I shoot her again. Friday made perfect sense because many have not seen her in awhile and this is a big breasted MILF series,” Steele said. “But the newcomers to my videos — Shay Fox and Karen Fisher — took to working with me extremely well. In fact, I can’t wait to shoot them again. I always look forward to the unadulterated enthusiasm and smoldering sensuality that women like these bring to a video.”

Steele credits the growth of the MILF genre in adult to female performers like the ladies showcased in MILF Magnet 6.

“For a very long time, the adult industry was obsessed with young girl and just out of high school types of titles,” Steele reflected. “Girls like Michelle, Karen, Shay, and Friday have increased competition for the same amount of available work. I’ve always loved women this age and shooting every new MILF Magnet is a pleasure most men will never understand.”

Distributors may contact Hank at 818-718-1462 or 866-289-1414, or email him.

For foreign sales, contact Dani at 818-786-1300 or email.

Joanna Angels School of Hard Knox

Philadelphia, PA – Joanna Angel releases her latest schocku-porno-mentary School of Hard Knox exclusively for video on demand on HotMovies.com.

School of Hard Knox has already stunned advance audiences. Critics are calling it, “A searing indictment of the state of American education,” “an all-too-real glimpse of the secret lives of fake high school students,” and “a whirlwind of tattoos, argyle, and boobs.” With the American education system already on the ropes, School of Hard Knox is just another nail in the coffin.

“Threesomes in the locker rooms? The school mascot seducing students on school property? Metaphors mixing wantonly? This is unacceptable in our porn’s fake education system,” said concerned parent Michael Hoffman who asked not to be identified. “Is this what I pay my property taxes for? So I can watch sexy newcomers like Zoe Voss and Juliette getting nailed on municipal property? Because I could probably learn to live with that.”

School of Hard Knox - Joanna Angel and Zoe VossThe film’s writer/director Joanna Angel defended her representation of today’s schoolgirls as horny, sexy, tattooed punks. “This isn’t the ‘50s anymore. For my generation, school was mostly plaid skirts and boning on the teacher’s desk.”

“The schoolgirl genre is tried and true,” said James Cybert, Hot Movies marketing director. “We all spent so many hours in class, ignoring the teacher and thinking of girls. It’s timeless.” Tried-and-true though it may be, Joanna Angel didn’t get famous for fitting in. She’s a porn auteur; everything she touches ends up funny and offbeat, not to mention extremely hot.

See Joanna Angel’s School of Hard Knox exclusively for VoD on HotMovies.com starting Monday, June 6th.

The HotMovies studio team can be reached at 1-800-611-MOVIE.

Jennifer Lopez Porn ParodyHOLLYWOOD, Calif.— American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez gets the porn parody treatment as X-Play and Digital Sin deliver Not Jennifer Lopez XXX: An American Idol to retail stores nationwide today.

The triple-X parody movie could turn out to be one of adult movie director Will Ryder’s most popular DVDs due to the blockbuster popularity of Lopez, the huge television viewership of American Idol and People Magazine recently naming her its Most Beautiful Woman of 2011.

“This could be our biggest movie of the year,” Ryder said. “Once it gets on stores shelves it will sell itself.”

PG and naked trailers are both available to watch here, with the PG version also available on YouTube.

Great sex including multiple three-ways and lavish outdoor locations including Miami, Los Angeles and Washington D.C., provide a picturesque backdrop for what turns out to be a hilarious story that involves sex, stardom, music, terrorists and politicians.

“We love having smash hits and Jennifer is beautiful and that always helps,” Ryder said. “She’s so hot that a quality porn parody movie had to be made and I’m glad we’re the ones that did it.”

Not Jennifer Lopez XXX: An American Idol stars Latina sex kitten Renae Cruz, Eva Angelina, Alexis Amore, Veronique Vega, Sunny Lane, Aurora Snow, Aarielle Alexis, Isabella Sky, Carmella Santiago and Kelli Tyler along with Lee Stone, Jeremy Steele, Tee Reel, Kurt Lockwood, Scott David and James Bartholet.

3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is being categorized as a soft core porn film in Hong Kong. This 3-D erotic costume drama released in Hong Kong, South Korea, Australia, and New Zealand on April 14th. During it’s opening day in the box office, 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstacy grossed 2.79 million Hong Kong Dollars (roughly $360,000), setting a new record. Avatar, James Cameron’s blockbuster 3D experience, grossed the previous record at 2.5 million HKD.

We have yet to see any porn enter the 3D market recently in the US. Maybe this positive reaction from one of the largest markets in the world will be enough to cast off current looming apprehensions.

Philadelphia, PA – National A-1 Internet and GayMovies.com are pleased to announce a new partnership with Channel 1 Releasing to distribute the award-winning classic films of Catalina Video.

Channel 1 Releasing, who acquired the rights to the Catalina Video catalog in 2007, is one of the most recognized and respected names in the adult business. Since getting their hands on this historic collection of movies, C1R has been remastering and re-releasing these timeless movies much to the delight of their legion of fans.

“We love working with Channel 1 and are totally psyched to add their Catalina Video line to the site,” said GayMovies.com’s resident blogger, Chops McGruff. “What porn fan doesn’t want to see more of Jeff Stryker or the controversial early years of industry superstar Matt Ramsey/Peter North?”

“Catalina Video simply IS the history of gay porn,” says Jason Sechrest, Director of Public Relations for C1R.com. “These movies create a historical arc of not only the progression of pornography in the 20th century, but also of the evolution of what is considered an ‘adonis.’ Catalina always gave us the hottest men of every year and they captured it in such a way that it is still as erotic today.”

Catalina Video was founded in 1978 by legendary director William Higgins and has been awarded a truckload of Grabby & GayVN awards over the years. Channel 1 Releasing’s co-owner & industry legend Chi Chi LaRue got started with Catalina Video in the 1980s.

Fans of the golden age of XXX can now watch Matt Ramsey in the classic feature Cousins and one of the “biggest” studs to ever satisfy greedy bottoms in action in The Best of Jeff Stryker on GayMovies.com.

For more information about partnering with GayMovies.com, visit MovieDollars.com or call 1-800-611-MOVIE. Channel 1 Releasing can be contacted through Jason Sechrest, jason@c1r.com.

Usher-Sex-Tape

The seemingly untouchable blockbuster pop star, Usher, has allegedly been offered a saintly deal by CEO of Vivid Entertainment, Steven Hirsch.

This past Decemeber, Usher Raymond IV had his vehicle robbed of a cool million dollars worth of goods. Included within the stolen property were two laptops, where a sex tape was found of Usher and ex-wife Tameka Foster. Of course, the tape has been shopped around the Adult Industry…and Steven Hirsch receives every celebrity sex tape possible. Although, it seems that Mr. Hirsch has found another avenue in dealing with such situations.

Vivid has offered Usher their services in the opposite of selling his sex tape. One must wonder why a giant Adult Entertainment label, which has made millions marketing other celebrities’ poorly produced video sex romps, would suddenly have a change of heart and decide to stop another release. None the less, the offer is on the table.

“We’ve learned that a sex video of you and your ex-wife is making its way around the adult industry,” reads the letter. “As a result of this being an intimate and very personal tape we can certainly understand why you would want to stop its distribution. We may therefore be able [to] assist you in stopping your own video from any type of circulation.” – Steven Hirsch to Usher

Sources: PopEater.com

Scream XXX: A Porn Parody stars Lily LaBeau, Jessie Andrews, Zoe Voss, James Deen, Rocco Reed, Jack Lawrence, Ron Jeremy, Evan Stone, Danny Wylde and The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody‘s Peter O’Tool, among others.

SCREAM XXX is scheduled to release in April along side of Wes Craven’s new horror film, Scream 4.

“Given the comedic tone of the original, the movie-within-a-movie elements of the sequels, and the upcoming release of the fourth installment, Scream seemed like a natural project to put under the parody spotlight,”
– Axel Braun

Full Article

James Deen Will Cuckold You Amy Brooke

Philadelphia, PA – Adult actor James Deen has released five movies exclusively on HotMovies.com, which opponents say threaten the institution of marriage. With titles like James Deen Will Cuckold You, men who aren’t James Deen are rallying against the films.

HotMovies.com porn connoisseur Alistair Thrustwell expressed his concern. “He has his way with Amy Brooke while she’s on the phone with her husband. I’m not even married and I’m worried that James Deen will cuckold me. We must defend traditional marriage from James Deen.”

The other four movies, all exclusive releases on HotMovies.com, are James Deen Amateur Video with Jasmine Tame, James Deen Loves Butts with Mason Moore, James Deen Loves Boobs starring Caroline Reese, and Kora Peters stretching the definition of the term in James Deen Loves MILFs. Each movie is slated to be the beginning of its own series starring, written, and directed by Deen.

With more than 850 scenes to his credit on HotMovies.com, James Deen is rapidly becoming the Ron Jeremy of his generation. He is the youngest man to ever win AVN’s Male Performer of the Year (2009,) and made Heeb Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential Jews.

Despite his young age, or perhaps because of it, Deen demonstrates a mastery of new media. From his partnership with HotMovies.com and launch of JamesDeen.com, to his hilarious Twitter feed and blog, Deen has repeatedly embodied innovation and set himself apart as a forward thinking new media star. Lawmakers say this makes him particularly dangerous to the institution of marriage.

“Marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman,” complained Thrustwell. “Not a man, a woman, and James Deen.”

The HotMovies studio team can be reached at 1-800-611-MOVIE.