Valentine’s Day is coming up, and it’s time to start thinking of gift ideas for the lady. Every year it ends up being the same thing. You either get chocolates, flowers, or jewelry. This year, how about you try something fun and new. Get her something practical that can be used all the time and will last longer than a week. What you should get your woman this year for Valentine’s Day is the pussy snorkel.

pussy snorkel

Sadly, it appears this particular product is no longer in existence. If you attempt to go to the url in the ad, you get nothing. However, this seems like a fairly simple DIY project. Really all you’ll need is some tubing and a little piece to go in the nose. Then you have the perfect gift! You’ll be able to go down on your valentine for however long  you want with no need to come up for air. I guarantee that she’ll love it. Not only did you take the time to make something, but it’s also benefiting her in bed a great deal.

But let’s be real. We don’t just get Valentine’s Day presents to make our significant others happy. We get them nice things so in return they’ll have lots of hot, passionate sex with us. Well this holds true if you give the pussy snorkel. If anything, it will guarantee you even more sex than if you gave her jewelry because just by putting the gift to use you’ve already started foreplay.

So be a generic, average guy if you want and come home with some shitty roses you picked up at a gas station on the way home from work. But if you really want to wow her, then spend a little time and make her her own custom pussy snorkel and give her hours of uninterrupted pleasure.

PipeDream Hot Snatch

“I hope your dick is hard”

“Give me a fucking second, you think I just walk around with a hard cock?”

He shouts and I quickly start to write down his words on the laptop and turning back to me the groping starts as I am typing.

“What the fuck, I am trying to write!” I scream at him.

“What I thought you wanted my cock hard!?”

This is us, I am a practically un employed writer and Bam Bam Gigolo is a bartender at a dive bar. He stands about 6’1, bearded, tattooed, and a buff bear of an ex marine.

We received this Pipedream Extreme Toyz Fanta Flesh Therma-Sleeve “Hot Snatch” thanks to HotMovies.com.

“I have a present for you!” I told him over the phone.

“Oh yea?” he said and I began to tell him that he was expected to fuck this microwavable fake pussy in front of me so I could review it.

“…..sure, whatever” was his disinterested answer about the project.

I got home that night and he was gone, so I ate dinner and passed out, fake snatch on the floor next to the bed.

“Wake up baby” came his voice around midnight when he was home. He passed me a bottle of water and asked if I had eaten anything and I pointed to the Chinese food trash still on the floor from where I had passed out.

“Baby you have to fuck that thing for my story.” I told him sleepily.

“I will” he said as he started groping me and laid down next to me. That turned into more groping and eventually he talked me into some ‘fluffing’ and after a few minutes he was rock hard.

I reached down to grab the “Hot Snatch” and he said “what are you doing, turn around!”

“No baby, you have to fuck this pussy!” I said, “take this part downstairs and microwave it”.

“No, I am not doing that, turn around.” he said naked, hard cock in my face.

“What the fuck! YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO THIS!”

“NO, not now. I am fucking you now.” he said steady voice, grabbing me by my upper arm to pull me around to meet his dick before he lost his boner.

“You better fuck that thing tomorrow! I am not kidding!” I demanded as I moved into position to lose the battle to his demands and hard cock.

The next day we woke up together in our tiny apartment, his morning wood pushed into my back.

“Baby your dick is hard, fuck that thing now.” I said sleepily to him.

“Nope” he said rolling over.

Days passed, that fake microwavable vagina in the box, untouched. I would ask, “when are you going to fuck that thing?” only to meet an ignorant remark from him.

Finally I took matters into my own hands as he began to grope and harass me while I worked on the computer, I seized the moment and I turned on some porn on HotMovies.com.

First thing was first, the most inconvenient; getting it down downstairs to the microwave. The instructions read like this:

Use a Microwave to heat the Therma-Sleeve to your desired warmth. You’ll be ready for action in minutes!

Here’s how to do it:

-Remove the thermasleeve from the packaging. Flatten the sleeve and ensure the gel is evenly distributed. Place the sleeve inside a…..

“Hurry the fuck up” came an obnoxious shout from the upstairs and I just threw it in the microwave for 2:30 which I assumed was acceptable due to the age and weakness of the microwave. Then I ran back upstairs for 3 minutes to keep the fluffing up.

After I got back downstairs to the Microwave half naked the sleeve was hot enough to carry upstairs, but still really warm.

I went back upstairs to a giant naked white man stroking his own cock and I took my position on my knees. Simultaneously reaching in the box to take out the rubber Vagina with sleeve in it. After I sucked him hard, I stopped to pull the long rubber pussy tube hanging from the bottom of the vagina through the warm soft gooo filled Therma Sleeve. Pussy hanging out of the top.

Included was a sample of lube which  was used COMPLETELY.

Then came penetration;  as he grabbed the fist full tube and put it on his cock, I watched his eyes light up as he practically was punching himself getting it all the way in.

Each time it did, there was a familiar blow job-sucking noise of the moist rubber vacuum.

The whole event didn’t last very long, and at the end after cumming he kept the “Hot Snatch” firm on his cock.

“How was it?”

“Warm, wet, and a really close to a real pussy.”

 

-Written by ANON and product tested by Bam Bam Gigalo for NO COMPENSATION

The PipeDream “Hot Snatch” retails for a varying price of $39.99

Check out more product details and where to purchase here!

Are you a non-essential government employee that got furloughed due to the government shutdown? If so, that really sucks, and I’m very sorry to hear that. I always like to think of the words of the great Ron Swanson in these moments of government absurdity.

ron swanson government quote

However, as shitty as the news has been lately for you; one company is trying to help out. Vibrators.com has come out with one of the best promotional ideas I’ve seen in a long time. For all you government employees out of work, you have the chance to get a FREE vibrator from the site.

And this isn’t just some trick to get you to by something else from them. There’s no “spend $20 and get a free vibrator” or anything like that. Vibrators.com is simply giving away 200 of these sex toys a day during the government shutdown.

free vibrator

 Now, the site has no way of verifying if you are or aren’t an actual government employee. So do the honorable thing and save the vibrators for those who really need it! If you’re still lucky enough to be working at your job, think about those poor folks sitting at home who have been deemed “non-essential”. They’ve had it tough as of late. And honestly, what else are they supposed to do besides masturbate all day with no job to go to? So stop being greedy and save the sex toys for those who really need a pick-me-up.

Oh, and if you think you can pull a quick one on the site and take advantage of this offer by ordering a bunch of free vibrators…think again! You see, Vibrators.com has a strict one per person policy. Try to be sneaky, and you might just end up with nothing

We are canceling orders from greedy people. Order twice or order two different free gifts without making purchase and you will get nothing.

So instead of just sitting around and watching Republicans and Democrats fuck over the American public; turn on some literal dirty politics and have some fun with your brand new free vibrator.

Sometimes you just need more in life. Sure, we can all masturbate anytime with no help from outside items, but occasionally it’s nice to treat your self. I tried out this Penthouse Heather Vandeven POP A Pussy CyberSkin Stroker recently, and let me tell you, it opened my eyes!

penthouse sex toy

 This thing is great. If you’ve never tried masturbating with a sex toy before, this is a great place to start. I generally like to think I have pretty good stamina when it comes to this sort of thing. But this stroker definitely sped up the process. And not in a bad way. Also, who wouldn’t want to imagine having sex with Heather Vandeven? She’s such a babe.

heather vandeven

Let’s take a look at some of the specs.

  • It’s waterproof. This makes clean up super quick and easy. Also, because you’re cumming right inside there’s none of that distraction of where to blow your load. Just do it right in there and rinse it out after.
  • It’s got grips for your fingers around the outside that make holding on a breeze. No worries about slipping or losing handle. It’s super easy to hold onto and control.
  • That CyberSkin material it’s made out of…fantastic! It’s a perfect texture and feel.
  • The inside is textured. So combine this with the material and you have a pretty realistic feeling going on.
  • At 5.5 inches long there’s plenty of room for lots of enjoyment.

The only negative I really have (and it’s not even really bad) is that you will definitely need some lube or lotion to go along with this toy. You’re not just going to pop your dick in and start going for it. But that tightness is kind of a good thing. Because once you have everything set up, it’s an awesome product and definitely enhances the experience.

Stop trying to find ways to jerk off better with socks or lotion or whatever else is laying around. If you’re in need of a little mix up when it comes to personal masturbation and just tired of doing the same thing every time, give this Penthouse stroker a try. I can’t recommend it enough. So go get one of your own and test it out with Riley Reid’s new film.

You can purchase it here at Topco Sales.

Apparently sex toy races are the new big thing. Well we’re bringing the fad from Sin City to the HotMovies office with our own mini vibrator race.

Check out our race here!

Alright so we have 4 opponents here in our first run at the HotMovies track. Thanks to our sponsor fetishmovies.com for supplying the track walls, aka business cards.  Ok so the green flag is waved by the giant, pink penis and the racers are off! It’s a quick burst out of the gate for the two inside vibrators, while the outside track participants are struggling with some wall issues. It looks like the inside red colored vibrator has the race in hand at the half way mark. But no! The inside sex toy in black makes a huge pass with only inches to go to win the race! The crowd goes (sort of) wild! Stay tuned until next time when hopefully all four of our vibrators manage to actually finish the race.

iPhone 4 Face Time Porn




“Hi there. I am an attractive, sincere, fit, 40 year old gentleman. And I have a new toy. my Iphone 4! As you know, this has videochat (facetime). So, i am seeking an attractive woman who also has an iphone 4 for meeting and progressing to some hot iphone facetime fun. Are you open-minded and willing to give this a try? If so, please email me with “facetime” in the header so I know you are real. I would love to give this a go! I am happy to exchange pics first before connecting live if you want. I am for real and sincere. I hope you are too. I am seeking someone who is any age, just physically fit and likes safe, exhibitionist fun.” - CraigsList.com

The above listing is from the “Women Seeking Men” section of CraigsList.com. If you’re anything like me, the sound of money gently echoes through the air with every word. Unfortunately, it does so for a lot of people very fast…so we are both missing the boat.

Business Insider has found an unnamed adult company already making moves to capitalize on the brand new consumer software. The Craig’s List post for New York states:

“Starting an online interactive pornography firm where woman will use the iPhone 4 to video chat with potential customers on a pay as you go basis. Hours are flexible, pay will increase as the business builds. Woman will receive a free iPhone 4 to use as personal time when not working. Woman will talk to potential clients and chat with them and perform various acts as desired by clients.”

For any confident woman looking into a new cell phone, this is a dream come true. It’s hard to say whether the white wizard, a.k.a. Steve Jobs, will allow the perversion of his precious proprietary software. Needless to say, if it becomes as successful as many other cam girl programs have in recent past…Apple will not be able to ignore it.

Adam&Eve has started their very own “Sex Toy Halloween Costume Contest.” Employees dressed up sex toys in costumes and now they want us to vote on the best ones. I was having the hardest time choosing my favorite ones to put on the site.. I chose 4, but there are like 5 more I wanted to put up.

Vote Here

You never really know what to expect when Joanna Angel is in the room & I’ve recently discovered that you never know what to expect when you ask her for an interview also:

1. How’d you pick your stage name?
Well Joanna is actually my real name so that was pretty easy- and Burning Angel is the name of my website and we’re like, kind of married to each other so I took its last name.

2. First film?
My first movie was BurningAngel.com- The Movie – it was also the first movie my production company- Burning Angel Entertainment put out. The whole thing was all so um… cute. Seriously! It was really cute. It was also Tommy Pistol‘s first scene too and we had amazing first time on camera sex on a roof-top in Brooklyn.

3. Gonzo or Big Budget?
Are you asking if my first movie was a Gonzo or a big budget? Or if I like gonzo movies or big budget movies better. Well, what if I told you that I liked big budget Gonzo movies! That would throw you off now wouldn’t it…. Uhhh… yeah.

4. If you could make a porn with anyone in history, male or female, who would it be and why?
Travis Barker- because he is fucking beautiful and talented, and I would still do him even in the critical condition he is in now. If he could do half of what he does on the drums on my BEEP well then he’d be the best porn star ever.

Read more if you want to find out what Joanna Angel wants to do to Travis in a Bathroom:
Read the rest of this entry »

We’re really not sure what this about- it’s definitely not mainstream marketable considering the name, but maybe it’ll do well in the Adult Entertainment Industry. Each package of condoms (whether it’s for guys or girls) comes with a DVD filled with up to 5 hours of porn, condoms and personal lube. There’s a special package you can order that comes with a vibrating cock ring to go with your Cock Soxxx.

Interesting…

I think I’ll keep my porn and condoms separate so the old lady doesn’t get mad.

Facebook is hosting a sex toy application called Love Bunny. You can add the application to your folder and design your own Love Bunny. If you really, really like your design you can order it and have it delivered to your home. Don’t be fooled by the name, or the fact that this is happening on Facebook because the Love Bunny you’ll receive in the mail is something you’ll want to take to the bedroom.

The ears are designed for clitoral stimulations and the rest is well, up to you and your imagination. The Love Bunny fits in the palm of your hand and apparently the vibrating sensation is extremely quiet. Most users are college aged and being discreet is key when you have someone laying 5 feet from you.

Just a totally non-creepy face book application that allows you to design a cartoon creature and have turn it into a vibrator specially for you.

Get yours Here