For some reason when a celebrity sex tape leaks, everyone goes nuts about it. I don’t know why. I mean, if you want to watch people have sex, porn is very easily accessible. Look, here’s some now. And generally the sex in these homemade tapes isn’t even that great. It’s boring, dull, and usually pretty terrible quality. But for some reason, it’s great when it happens. I suppose it’s because we expect porn stars to come out with movies, while celebrities are not generally thought about in that way. Whatever the reason, we love when it happens. So here’s a list of the 5 celebrities I wish would make a sex tape.

5.  Olivia Munn

Olivia Munn

Olivia Munn is a nerd’s dream girl. She’s the girl next door. I mean, she hosted a show on a network primarily about video games. And now, in her role in The Newsroomshe plays the awkward girl who’s always struggling to do well in relationships. Yet for as awkward as she is, she’s still insanely hot. Olivia Munn is the perfect mix of down to earth but still a babe. I doubt that she’d ever consider doing a sex tape, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing for it.

4.  Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian

Yes, I know Kim Kardashian already made a sex tape with Ray J. So what? I want another one. Look at her butt. Just look at it. Is it too much to ask for a video of Kanye plowing her from behind rapping the lyrics to “I Am a God” the entire time? I really don’t think it is.

3.  Emma Watson

Emma Watson

Emma Watson has gone from dorky little girl playing Hermione Granger to smoking hot in new roles like the one she has in The Bling Ring. She’s in the same realm as Olivia Munn to me. Sure she’s incredibly attractive, but guys think they’d still have a chance with her because she seems like a cool, normal girl. Me, on the other hand, well I’ll just settle for a sex tape. And hell, while we’re at it, why don’t we make it Harry Potter themed.

2.  Sofia Vergara

Sofia Vergara

I’ve never seen Modern Family. I only really know two things about the show and that’s that Ed O’Neill and Sofia Vergara are in it. However, I do know that Sofia Vergara is ridiculously good looking considering the fact that she’s 41-years-old. I’m not sure why she would ever desire making a sex tape, but I guess sometime miracles do occur. And this would certainly fall into the miracle department.

1.  Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson

Remember when those ScarJo nude cell phone pics leaked? If not, here they are. Well, that was great and all, but imagine how much better it would be if it was a video of her having sex instead. It would be at least a billion times better! You can give me all the porn in the world, but none of it would top getting to see Scarlett Johansson getting laid in real life.

5. Eva Angelina

Eva Angelina

Eva Angelina is actually a lot of things. Chinese, English, Irish. But she’s also part Cuban, which is what makes her eligible for this list. She starts the list off strong, as Eva was named a top 12 female porn star by Maxim in 2010.

4. Lela Star

Lela Star

Lela Star is always a great watch. Her petite frame brings something different to the world of latina porn stars. While I never get tired of big asses, it’s a nice change of pace to see Lela get tossed around by dudes in videos. Her face also always reminds me of Kim Kardashian. Which is cool because I really want Kim to do porn. So until that happens, I can just pretend her and Lela are the same.

3. Kristina Rose

Kristina Rose

Rose didn’t start doing porn until the age of 23. Which for the industry is pretty late. However, since then she’s been a fantastic addition. Kristina has one of the absolute most fantastic asses you’re going to find. And if you follow her on Twitter, she just seems like someone who’d be really chill to hang out with.

2. Jynx Maze

Jynx Maze

Jynx Maze is the baby of the group at just 23 years old. But don’t let her inexperience full you. I think she’s got one of the overall bodies on this list, and she’s bound to be a huge industry star for years to come. Jynx is also nice enough to have her own Tumblr full of incredibly sexy photos of herself. Have fun!

1. Rebeca Linares

Rebeca Linares

Number 1 on the list of the top 5 hottest latina porn stars is one of my all time favorites, Rebeca Linares. A lot of times porn stars may have nice boobs or a great ass. However, it’s not all of the time that you find them just downright sexy. Rebeca Linares is one of those people. She is an absolutely beautiful lady who’s a ton of fun to watch in videos. She’s the perfect combo.

Lucky for you, it just so happens that there’s a video on HotMovies with all of these beautiful women plus some. 25 Sexiest Latin Porn Stars Ever! is a must see if you’re in to latina porn stars as much as I am. You will rarely come across a video filled with more attractive women.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the US. One of the great traditions with this holiday is to reflect on some of things that we’re thankful for in our lives. With this in mind, I thought I’d make a list of the parts of porn that I am most thankful for and couldn’t imagine a life without.

5.  It Never Leaves You

don't leave me

We should all be grateful of this one. Porn is always there for us. Did you have a rough day at work? Maybe your girlfriend isn’t in the mood for sex? Who’s always there for us when we’re in need. Porn. That’s who. Porn doesn’t care if it’s 3 AM and you’re feeling horny. It’s always ready for us.

4.  Butts

Tina Belcher butt

Side note…If you guys don’t watch Bob’s Burgers, you should. It’s pretty much the greatest TV show ever. And one of the reasons is this young lady right here, Tina. She gets my fascination with butts. They’re just great. And porn is full of some great butts. Remy LaCroix, Sasha Grey, Alexis Texas, Jayden Jaymes. The list goes on and on.

3.  There’s Porn for Everything

rule 34 meme

Whether it’s a holiday, a popular movie parody, or just a certain position; there’s porn for anything you could ever want. Don’t believe me? Well here, just take a look at this Thanksgiving porn.

2.  HD

hank hill jpeg meme

Remember a time when if you wanted to watch porn in a full screen mode the image was absolutely horrendous and blurry? Yeah, me too. But with the widespread popularity of high-definition these days, this is rarely a problem anymore. Now you can get all the crystal clear, full screen action you could ever dream of.

1.  The Women

women of porn

We’ve reached number 1. And obviously the thing I am most thankful for in porn are the ladies themselves. Without them porn would be nothing. So here’s to you women of porn. Thanks for giving fap material to people everywhere!

Rock music takes on so many different forms these days that it’s hard to label any one look as “rock”. Genres have just gotten so obscure and out of hand. There’s indie rock, punk, grunge, hard rock, classic rock. The list goes on and on. So put your preconceived notions of what a rocker chick looks like away, and take this list with a grain of salt. It’s completely subjective and biased based off of this one man’s opinion. It also just so happens that my opinion on this matter is 100%, without a doubt, correct.

7.  Gwen Stefani – No Doubt

gwen stefani

There’s…no doubt that Gwen Stefani belongs on this list. And no, I am not sorry for that horrible pun! Stefani really defined the rocker chick look during the 90′s and early 2000′s.

6.  Alice Glass – Crystal Castles

Crystal Castles is much more electronic than rock. However, Alice Glass looks like a punk girl straight out of the 80′s. Therefore, she’s on the list. I’m also fairly scared of her due to the fact that she appears to be absolutely insane. So there’s another reason to not leave her off.

5.  Hayley Williams – Paramore

hayley williams

Hayley Williams comes off as that kind of trailer park hot. She’s obviously incredibly good looking, but it kind of comes across in a sort of trashy way.

4.  Emily Haines – Metric

Emily Haines has been jamming out as lead singer of Metric for 15 years now, and she’s been looking good the whole time. Her voice is also that of an angel which gives her a lot of bonus points.

3.  Alejandra Deheza – School of Seven Bells

School of Seven Bells use to be even more of an attractive band when Alejandra’s sister, Claudia Deheza, was also in the group. But that doesn’t take anything away from Alejandra. She is a total indie rock babe.

2.  Debbie Harry – Blondie

For number 2 on the list we’re going back a ways. Before Debbie Harry was ever part of Blondie, she was a Playboy Bunny. And it most definitely shows. While age has caught up to Debbie in recent years, back in the day, she was an absolute bombshell.

1.  Alexis Krauss – Sleigh Bells

alexis krauss

Number 1 on the list of top 7 hottest rocker chicks goes to Sleigh Bells lead singer, Alexis Krauss. To me, she is the pinnacle of the modern rock girl. Her trendy haircut, tattoos, and hip clothes all help. But really, she’s just a good looking gal, and my biggest crush.

When you’re watching porn, sex seems like such an easy thing to do. It’s no problem to pick up your girl and start banging or to do any number of other difficult sex positions. Meanwhile if you tried that in real life, there’s a good chance that you both end up on the floor with a few bumps and bruises. But that’s what happens when you can edit out all of the awkward moments and weird noises that happen during real sex. Because as I’m sure you all know, that stuff is almost guaranteed during actual sex. It’s impossible to avoid. Shit just happens. So here’s a list of some things that I absolutely hate about sex.

Fear Of A Broken Penis

broken penis

The thing I hate more than anything in sex is when a girl is on top riding you, and she just pays no regard to the safety of your dick. Ladies, you have to be careful up there! Things slip out easily. I’d prefer that if that were to happen, that my penis not be crushed and bent because you’re just bouncing around like a damn lunatic.

Cramping

stretching

Cramps! Nothing is worse than when things are starting to get really heavy, and BOOM, now you have an incredibly painful leg cramp. So now you’re left with 2 options. One, you stop the sex completely, let your partner know that you’re in pain, and in doing so, ruin the entire moment. Two, you try to sneakily stretch out your leg without your partner knowing while continuing the sex. Yeah, good luck with that one. Either way, both options suck.

Hair

hair in mouth

So you think the girl you’re hooking up with having long, flowing hair is really hot? Sure, I bet it looks awesome. Well just wait until she gets on top of you and you guys start going at it. Because all of that beautiful, luscious hair that you adore so much is about to fall right on your face and most likely end up in your mouth.

Random Body Noises

fart during sex

Some noises during sex are great. For instance, moaning and shouting are both good indications that things are going well. However, the body is a strange thing. And hearing skin slapping against other skin or that suction sound that happens sometimes when you’re sweaty and bodies are sticking together is just awful. You have to really be close to the person you’re having sex with to not let these make the situation awkward. God forbid you let out a fart with someone you’re with for the first time. Have fun trying to get back in the mood of things after that.

Overall, sex is obviously fantastic and a great time. But let’s not act like it’s the most perfect thing out there. There are definitely some flaws and uncomfortable moments. And these are just a few of the things that I really hate about sex.

Top 25 Straight Videos – Last 12 Months 
Rank Title Studio
1 Lesbian Masseuse #2 Girl Candy Films
2 Women Seeking Women Volume 82: Big Natural Breast Edition Girlfriends Films
3 Mother-Daughter Exchange Club Part 24 Girlfriends Films
4 Lesbian House Hunters Part 7 Girlfriends Films
5 Mommy & Me 4 Filly Films
6 Lesbian Beauties Vol. 8 – Interracial Sweetheart Video
7 Lesbian Storytime Theater Episode 1 Girlfriends Films
8 Lesbian Seductions Older/Younger Vol. 40 Girlfriends Films
9 Lesbian Hitchhiker 5 Sweetheart Video
10 Cheer Squad Sleepovers Episode 2 Girlfriends Films
11 Please Make Me Lesbian! Part 7 Girlfriends Films
12 Taboo II Standard Digital
13 Lesbian Guidance Counselor Girl Candy Films
14 Alexis Ford Darkside (Disc 1) Jules Jordan Video – Jules Jordan
15 Cuckold Stories 6 Digital Sin
16 Black Bi Cuckolding 9 Kick Ass
17 Cheer Squad Sleepovers Episode 1 Girlfriends Films
18 Mother-Son Secrets 3 Forbidden Fruits Films
19 Chyna Is Queen Of The Ring Vivid Premium
20 Budapest Episode 10 Girlfriends Films
21 Cougars, Kittens & Cock 2 Jules Jordan Video – Jules Jordan
22 Mother-Son Secrets 4 Forbidden Fruits Films
23 Lesbian Doms & Subs Vol. 1 Girl Candy Films
24 Against Her Will New Sensations
25 Mom’s Favorite Babysitter Love’s Kitty

5.  Porn Doesn’t Need To Cuddle Afterwards

couple cuddling in bed

Doesn’t this look sweet? Thing again. I give it 10 minutes in this position before that guy’s arm is nothing but pins and needles. Don’t get me wrong. Cuddling has its place in life. But right after sex all I want to do is flop down on the bed, spread out, and probably fall asleep. Cuddling hinders the ability to do all of these things. With porn… you finish jerking off, and that’s it! Go to sleep, make a sandwich, play video games. Do whatever you want! You’re free from the tyrannical hands of cuddling.

4.  Porn Won’t Still Be There In The Morning

girl sleeping in bed

So you brought a girl home last night to go to the bone zone. Great, that’s awesome. You know what’s not awesome? Waking up the next morning to realize she’s still there. You have shit to do! Well, guess what, not anymore. Because you’re going to have to wait until she gets her ass out of bed, and then you’ll probably have to make her breakfast or something. The only time porn is still there the next morning is if you bring it back up on your browser for a quick morning wank.

3.  Porn Will Do Any Position You Want

missionary sex

Relationships can become a place where innovation goes to die. You become complacent and get in a routine. All of sudden sex is just a matter of going through the motions. Experimenting and fun stops. Well guess who is always up to try something new in bed? Porn! Want to do some reverse cowgirl? How about some doggy style? And here’s one that you’re probably never going to get with a girl. The money shot. But if you go with watching porn instead of having real sex, you can have any of these positions at any time.

2.  Porn Won’t Boss You Around

woman bossing guy in bed

Real sex can be a constant struggle. “Go faster. Go harder. Now slow down. Ow, not so rough.” There’s always something that  you’re not doing right. All of a sudden what should have been an enjoyable and pleasurable experience has turned into work. Not with porn, though. Go at your own speed. Do what you like. No one is going to criticize or judge you.

1.  Porn Doesn’t Care How Long You Last

premature ejaculation

And the top reason porn is better than actual sex…premature ejaculation! It’s an understandable thing. Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve had sex. Maybe the girl was just really freakin good and incredibly hot. Sometimes you can’t control these things and let go before you might have intended. Whatever the reason, you’ve left your partner unsatisfied. But here’s the thing. Even if you feel terrible, there isn’t always anything you can do about it. It’s tough for guys to get right back into it after they cum. So avoid this whole messy debacle, and just watch porn! Hell, you can finish after 30 seconds and porn won’t mind at all.

Craigslist can be a great resource to find all sorts of things. Jobs, apartments, furniture, musical instruments. You name it, and it’s probably on the site somewhere. However, one of the weirdest things you may stumble across on Craigslist is the casual encounters section. It’s a place where people can post their dreams for one night stands, look for someone to fulfill an odd fetish, or just show off pics of their dicks. The only problem is, there’s no guarantee that these people are even real. And judging by some of the ads, you’d probably hope that they’re fake. Because, in all honesty, you can find some really big weirdos on there. So to show what an odd place it can be, I decided to pick the 3 best (worst?) ads from the past few days in the local Philadelphia section. You can only hope that they’ll turn out as good as these casual encounters.

craigslist logo

 3.  morning quicky – w4m – 20 (north philly)

Hey wassup guy’s im hosting this morning for a quick stay! you must have a car and willing to travel to north philly ! also you must be into sexy black females. Also be respectful and discreet!!! im dd free and not into the drame if ur intersted in hooking up with me asap email me for the info so you can be on ur way:)

Breakdown: This one’s a little tricky. It seems like just a typical casual meetup. But is it really? First off, she’s hosting. Which is never a good sign. If I’m going to do this stuff, I want it to be on my terms. Especially when the place I’m traveling to in this case is North Philly. Not a smart move. Don’t fall for it!

Chance of success: 40%

Chance of being murdered or robbed: 60%

2.  The Divine came to me in a dream last night.. – w4m

… He spoke your name in my ear and assured me I’d be meeting you soon. Of course, he also gave me the winning lottery numbers, so when I bounded out of bed to get a pen and a pad you can understand where my priorities were.

Twenty-Six year old single lady living on hope, friendship and next weeks powerball numbers seeks mature single gentleman whose name started with an M or maybe a J and rhymed with chicken. The last name may have been Honorificabilitundinatatibus or possibly the name of a Styx song. Micken Comesailaway I know you’re out there, I look forward to hearing from you!

Breakdown: This one is just absolutely fantastic. I can’t tell if this girl is serious or joking about the fact that God told her to find someone to have sex with on Craigslist. Either way, I’m going to say she’s crazy. And you should never stick your dick in crazy.

Chance of divine intervention causing you to get laid: 30%

Chance she’s a lunatic and you get kidnapped by a cult: 70% 

1.   Let me give you a baby – m4w – 30

Let me give you a baby. Real clean dd free. N serious I wanna donate to you. Let me now

Breakdown: Don’t worry ladies, you aren’t the only ones who are a bit weird. This gentleman doesn’t just want a casual hookup. No, no. He wants to impregnate you, too! What could possibly go wrong in this situation? I’m sure this man is grade A father material.

Chance he’s a serial killer: 99.9%

Chance you wind up with a loving father for your future child: 0.1%

 

Digging through what people search for on a porn site can be a pretty entertaining activity. So this morning I decided to browse through the Google Analytics for HotMovies and write down some of the more interesting trends I noticed from various countries as far as their porn search terms go. I promise, this list will be both hilarious and educational.

7.  Mexico Likes Using the Backdoor

anal sex sign

I guess I never really thought about what kind of sex Mexico would be in to. Well, apparently it’s anal. Seeing as their top 2 most searched terms on HotMovies are “anal” and “ANAL”.

6.  Germany and China Would Make a Great Double Penetration Combo

germany china flags

The top search for both Germany and China is “DP”. That would double penetration for those of you unaware. The only question here is which country is going to play the role of female? I nominate Russia.

5.  The United States Is Fairly Normal

usa

To my surprise, the US has fairly normal and generic searches, at least towards the top of the results. The top 2 searches include “cuckold” and “massage”. C’mon USA, let’s step our weird perverted game up.

4.  Maldives Is Not Nearly As Conventional

maldives

The Maldives Islands are an absolutely beautiful place. However, their top porn search may come off as just a tad bit different than the norm. The number one result for this island republic is “feminization”. They’re apparently a kinky bunch over in the Indian Ocean.

3.  Italy Doesn’t Enjoy Just Your Typical Orgasm

tickle

I happen to despise being tickled. The Italians are apparently not nearly as opposed, though. Their most searched terms include “bondage orgasm” and “tickle orgasm”. Hey, different strokes for different folks.

2.  Brazil Really Really Likes Butts

brazil butts

Brazilians like butts. There’s no two ways about it. All three of their top searches, including Big Ass Brazilian Butts, have to do with the large bottoms. As a fan of butts myself, I may have to make a trip to Brazil in the near future.

1.  Spain Is into Some Weird Shit…Literally

image not available

Okay, so I’m not 100% sure on this last one, so if someone could provide some more details that’d be great. Spain’s number one most searched term on HotMovies is “meteor”. Now, the only sexual act I can find related to the word “meteor” is on Urban Dictionary where they give several definitions of a “meteor shower”. WARNING: The definitions below may gross you out.

  1. The act of taking a shit on someones head after eating a lot of peanuts and having diarrhea.
  2. The act of a male, cuming on a girls face precisely at the same moment he forces himself to vomit on her head, thus pretaning to a Meteor Shower
  3. to diarrhea in a girl’s pussy.

So you want to cuddle more because you really enjoy it, but you’re running into some problems. Maybe you have the classic dilemma of trying to find a comfortable position without your arm falling asleep. Or perhaps you just don’t even have a significant other to cuddle with, and you’re feeling forever alone. Don’t worry. Help is on the way! Here’s a list of the 5 best ways to improve your cuddling game.

Modular Love Mattress

modular love mattress

This new mattress design looks pretty awesome. No matter where you are on the mattress there’s a slot nearby for you to slip your arm into for maximum comfort level. The biggest problem I see arising from this design is all of the stuff that you’re going to lose in each slit. But who knows, maybe that will be a fun adventure 10 years from now. It’ll be a like time capsule that you sleep on top of.

The Significant Other Pillow

boyfriend pillow

girlfriend pillow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This product is for those of you out there without that special someone in your life. How many nights do you spend masturbating only to have to fall asleep alone? Well not anymore! These girlfriend/boyfriend pillows are practical and depressing all at the same time. The good news is they’ll never leave you. You don’t have to worry about these pillows shifting around and waking you up like a significant other might.

 The Armadillow Pillow

armadillow pillow

Everyone should have one of these pillows. Whether your girlfriend has a tendency to fall asleep on your arm or you just like to sleep on your side, this thing is perfect. It’s got a tunnel going through it for full arm extension. Look how happy the guy is in these animations. Don’t you want to be that happy?! Well you can be. Order your Armadillow pillow here.

Oxytocin

oxytocin

This next cuddle aid isn’t a product to make things more comfortable like the others have been. No, we’re getting into chemicals now. Oxytocin, also know as the “cuddle” or “love” hormone, is something that is produced within our bodies but can also be taken from outside sources like nasal sprays. The hormone not only will help with cuddling but also your overall love life. It’s functions include promoting a sense of trust and sexual behavior.

Arm Removal

nerveendingstory comic

My personal favorite method, though, is brought to us by user nerveendingstory on Reddit. How perfect would it be if we could just remove our arms before we went to sleep?! Forget the special pillows and mattresses and chemicals. I’ll take this way. Although, I imagine there will be a decent chance of experiencing some pain…