Philadelphia, PA – A rare 5.9 earthquake shook the corporate headquarters Tuesday afternoon, resulting in nobody hurt and nothing damaged, but terrifying everyone inside.

The building was briefly evacuated, and the east-coasters, un-used to geological events of any kind, were both literally and figuratively shaken. “I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I’ll be up just waiting. I have to call my cats,” said a marketing operative who wisely refused to identify himself. Visibly jumpy, he then added, “What was that?”

“I was worried about my collection of mint condition Buffy the Vampire Slayer figures which are still in the package,” said James Cybert, director of Business Development. As of press time, only an old Brianna Banks action figure had fallen down. Cybert has launched an investigation to find out if that incident was related to Tuesday’s earthquake.

Authorities dispute whether or not the sexual immorality, prolific at Philadelphia’s headquarters, may have played a role in the rare quake. So far, divine retribution cannot be ruled out as a factor.

According to the United States Geological Survey, the earthquake Tuesday afternoon was the worst earthquake in the entire world- that day. Still, streaming video service at went uninterrupted, and the corporate headquarters remains the world’s largest internet archive of adult video on demand.

Japanese-Porn-Stars-After Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

In the wake of the chilling natural disaster in Japan, everyone with friends and/or family there has experienced a great deal of stress in obtaining their loved ones’ statuses. As a part of the Adult Industry family, is wondering, “Are the stars ok?!” Luckily, we not only have reports stating that they are well, but also that they are helping build support for their country.

Popular Japanese porn stars Maria Ozawa, Sola Aoi, and Ai Sayama have all survived the 8.9 earthquake and subsequent tsunami. Sola Aoi and Ai Sayama have both been very vocal on twitter and blogs since. “I don’t know what Japan can do in such a situation, but I strongly want to make people smile. Let’s wish hard and do our best,” said Sola Aoi on her official blog.

Sources: GMA News