I hope everyone had a great Independence Day! I, myself, have never felt more American than I did  yesterday when I was sitting in a kiddie pool, eating a Choco Taco in one hand and a steak in the other hand, drinking cheep beer, all while listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival and shooting off fireworks. If only every day could be the 4th of July…

Anyway, if you missed it, there were some rather sexual connotations in the celebratory news yesterday.

Competitive eater Joey Chestnut (a true American hero) won his 7th straight Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. But the real news comes with the number of hot dogs Chestnut was able to down. 69! That’s right, the new record for number of hot dogs eaten in 10 minutes is probably the funniest number you could pick. Especially when considering that hot dogs look a lot like penises.

So while you were watching your local fireworks last night did you see any shaped like a penis? I’m pretty sure these things are supposed to come out in the form of hearts, but it’s much funnier to imagine them as giant, fiery dicks.

Or maybe someone you know had the misfortune of attempting to make this cake. I’m pretty sure they’re supposed to be fireworks, but come on…really? This isn’t even close.

For more sex-filled 4th of July action check out my co-worker’s, @emmmmja, post showing what some different porn stars were up to yesterday. It starts out with one of my favorites, April O’Neil!