I just watched what is perhaps the most unintentionally funny documentary that I’ve ever seen. Every Young Man’s Battle, based off of the book of the same title, is a Christian anti-porn film about the perils of pornography and sexual temptation in society today. And because they are so vehemently against sexually explicit images, I think I’ll just throw some into this post randomly just for fun. Wow do I love tights.

The movie gives you a good indication of how terrible it’s going to be right from the beginning when one of the interviewees makes this statement.

Once you get on porn boulevard, the end of porn boulevard you crash and burn.

Not only are the messages they give in this film completely absurd, but they can’t even say them in a clear manner. Aside from that, though, I really wish that porn boulevard was an actual place. Because it’s glorious to think of street lined with naked women just waiting to try and seduce you. Forget driving down it, I’m going to build a frickin’ house on this street.

Perhaps the most ridiculous statement made in the entire movie is when one of the guys speaking compares the battle the youth of today faces in sexual temptation to the battles of war in past generations. Are you kidding me? So risking your life is now equivalent to resisting the urge to look at boobs online. Yes, that is a perfectly logical way to think.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean, just look at these two images next to each other. The dangers are clearly the same in both. /sarcasm

Another interesting theme throughout this documentary is that they seem to indicate that watching pornography not just can, but will lead to a lifetime of bad choices and decisions. In fact, one of the people even goes so far as to say this.

The person you are as a young man is the person you’ll drag into adulthood.

Right. Everyone knows that it is impossible to change things about yourself from the time you are 13 to the time you are an adult. They use the example of serial killer Ted Bundy to further explain their point. Are they trying to insinuate that if you watch porn that you will become a serial killer? I really hope not. Because it’s absolutely absurd to use a select few extreme examples to try and argue your point.

Countless times throughout the film they mention various statistics indicating the profitability and prevalence of the porn industry. So if it is so widespread and common, then why are there so few Ted Bundys? Perhaps it’s because looking at boobs and naked people as a child isn’t the real cause for violence as an adult later in life.

Let’s do a little test. Here’s a picture of Asa Akira. Now here’s a chance for you to go watch any number of Asa Akira films and see her do a plethora of sexual things.

 Ok, so let’s see what happened. Maybe you saw the picture and wanted to check out some of her videos. Then you watched one or two and perhaps even jerked off. You know what you’ll most likely do next? Whatever the hell you were going to do before you saw that picture. I highly doubt I just sent someone into a spiral of darkness and ruined their life because I just posted a picture of a porn star.

That’s about all I can say in regards to this documentary. Overall, I thought it to be an absolute piece of garbage. And it wasn’t just the content or message. The terrible soundtrack, the awful camera work, and the just horrendous writing all helped to contribute to making this movie a disaster. Nonetheless, I found it to be incredibly entertaining, albeit unintentionally. So give Every Young Man’s Battle a watch below if you have nothing better to do for an hour and see for yourself.

Today we have a guest post from my co-worker, @emmmmja. It’s a continuation of my post yesterday and gives you a look into a few more of the  nominees for the Hottest Sex Scene category at The Sex Awards. Enjoy!

Ahhhh, my favorite category of the Sex Awards list — The Hottest Sex Scene. I will tell you now, friends, THAT this was a blessing of a post to take on. In fact, I’m going to skip the written verbiage and just jump right into the reviews and snippets, and let you decide for yourself which is the best. Click on the name to get to watch the whole thing, or go to this theater, and watch all of them.

 

Then, exercise your right to vote and GO DO IT.

 

 

Asa Akira Is Insatiable 3

Asa Akira, Brooklyn Chase, James Deen

The film in its entirety is so dirty, raw, sweaty, and pretty populated. So if you know that before you click on the preview above, the warning is this threesome is nothing short of all those adjectives. This was, admittedly, the first time I saw James Deen in a threesome. And there’s a whole lotta anal.

 

Countdown

Kaylani Lei, Xander Corvus

Alright so first off, if you’ve seen this movie, you know I’m kiiiinda cheating you with this preview. It is not, actually, the sex scene that is nominated. But I really liked it, because it actually shows the chemistry and sweetness between the two characters. However, the sex scene is pretty real as well. It’s nighttime, and they lay a Mexican blanket on the hood of a red convertible, and fall into each other. It’s night-time-desert-hood-of-a-car-sex. You know, we’ve all been there. It’s worth watching. Especially because it’s XANDER EFFING CORVUS.

 

$EX

jessica drake, Julia Ann, Brad Armstrong


This scene is great because, duh, I love threesomes and I love strap-on action and I’m really digging the DP idea. It’s hot. And because this showed jessica working with real-life partner Brad, it still carried this sultry sensuality to it. Plus, there was all that dirty talk demanding, which was iconic in a 50 Shades sort of relevance.

 

Immoral Proposal

April O’Neil, Mr. Pete

And you know what’s hot about this one? The April O’Neil part of it. Her boobs. How intense Mr. Pete can fuck. Can you imagine being on the other side of that wall and listening to that? Well, I have masturbation material for later on. In this scene you watch him at his best, just…like a damn hammer. And they pretty much fucking break the table (not really) and end up on the floor.

 

The Submission of Emma Marx

Penny Pax, Richie Calhoun

I’m hoping you’ve seen my review of this movie, because it’s been my favorite so far. I describe why exactly it is, in my review. So go read it. But anyway, there is so much sex between these two the whole movie through that I just threw this clip into here, to show how desperate she ends up wanting him to boom boom her bum bum. It is such a seductive set of scenes between them. Always pushing into further limits but preventing them from falling completely into it. It’s such a damn tease, and you always want more.

 

Meet Bonnie

Bonnie Rotten, Skin Diamond, Asphyxia Noir


Welp. I’ve found my Hottest Sex Scene. And it’s pretty much because Bonnie Rotten just knows how to fuck with a strap-on. This is pre-boob job, so if you’re looking for gigantos, then, NO WAIT WATCH IT ANYWAY. Because it’s three gorgeous girls who just like it really rough and dirty from time to time, and the ladies know how to please each other. It even starts out by turning you on. This melodic music plays as Bonnie looks innocently enough at the camera, and then Asphyxia and Skin come into the picture kissing her neck. Strap-on, double-ended dildo, vibrator, whip, tongues…oh God. I watched this scene so many times and it still makes me hot and leaves me biting my lip. Hard.

 

 

Want me to review a few more? Let me know at @emmmmja which ones you need reviewing and/or compared. You might see some later this week…..

A few weeks ago This Is the End hit theaters. It’s a new movie with a loaded cast including James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Danny McBride, and many more incredibly funny individuals.  For some reason, I’ve been putting off going out to see it. But after this clip I saw yesterday, I may have to go sooner rather than later. The scene I’m talking about is an argument between James Franco and Danny McBride that focuses on the subject of masturbating. Take a look below!

McBride is just hilarious here. My favorite line by far being…

I’ve been dropping loads around this fuckin’ house like a god damn dump truck!

What makes the scene even better is the fact that Seth Rogen is just chillin in the back the whole time watching the whole thing like a tennis match. His eyes going back and forth trying to keep up with each ridiculous statement.

Besides having me laughing hysterically at my desk, Franco’s one quote, “What, you never had any brothers? You didn’t learn to jiz in a fucking sock or on a fucking tissue” also raises an interesting point. For those of us who did grow up as the oldest sibling or an only child, how did we figure that stuff out? Apparently I’m not the only one to be curious about the topic of beginner masturbation practices. I’m sure a lot of awkward experimenting has been done over the years by kids trying to figure out the most efficient way to jerk it. Well, that is a topic for another day.

Back to the point of this post. I know I haven’t seen this movie yet, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be awesome. I’d definitely recommend going and checking it out. And plus, even if the movie sucks you can still just focus on the always lovely, and one of my favorites, Emma Watson.

emma watson

 

Movie sex scenes can range from passionate and exciting to terrible and awkward. But what I’m interested in is providing a list of the 5 funniest movie sex scenes you’re likely to find.

5.  American Pie

It’s impossible to pick just one hilarious sex act from the American Pie franchise. I mean seriously, what are there, like a billion of those movies by now? But that aside, they produced some amazing scenes over the years perfectly depicting the hilarity that can ensue in young sex.

4.  Team America

Coming in at number 4 is this insanely cliché scene from Team America. A lot goes into making this scene part of the list. First, the rigid movements of the puppets having sex is rather funny in itself. But the generic dialogue is really what sells it for me. The moment when he promises to never die is just too perfect.

3.  Crank

Crank is a 93 minute straight adrenaline rush of a movie. And that’s actually the point of this particular scene. Jason Statham’s character must keep his adrenaline level up so he resorts to having sex in a very public environment. Hooray for public sex! The thunderous applause of the surrounding asian crowd and the way he leaves his partner so abruptly after sex makes this an easy pick at number 3.

2.  The Naked Gun

Leslie Nielsen was a funny man, and the world is a sadder place without him. Luckily, we will always have moments like this to remind us just how great he was. The Naked Gun gets runner-up in this competition because of the scene above involving a couple of full body condom suits. And for those of you are interested in said suit…because I know I am!

1.  American Psycho

And your winner for the funniest movie sex scene is…American Psycho! Patrick Bateman is probably my favorite fictional character in the history of the world. He’s just so crazy it’s hysterical. And he definitely doens’t fall short of that in this sex scene. The flexing and pointing into the mirror as he watches himself bone this girl is just so magnificently absurd that it gives American Psycho the prestigious honor of being number 1 on our list.

Later this year Joseph Gordon-Levitt is starring and making his directorial debut in Don Jon. As a huge JGL fan, I am beyond ecstatic for this movie. Especially for that awesome, fake Jersey accent. If you don’t know the legend of Don Juan, go check out the wiki article to catch up.

Ok, so now that you’ve watched the trailer, let’s discuss. It’s fairly common to see movies made about sex or people obsessed with sex even. However, it’s not too often that you find one where the main character is obsessed with porn, as well. So the movie centers around Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character who has an obvious addiction to porn. But he then meets a lady (played by the lovely Scarlett Johansson) who is also obsessed with something. But her addiction comes in a different form. She loves the idea of  the romantic, Hollywood, happy ending.

This is where the film goes deeper than just a normal romcom. The true message behind this movie is that both characters have a misguided approach to love and sex. They’re both objectifying people based on the ideas of their own individual obsessions. This interview from South by Southwest gives a little more insight into Gordon-Levitt’s direction behind the film.

 So as you can see, while the movie may be done in a comedic format, Gordon-Levitt had something more in mind while writing. And he certainly raises some good points on issues that some of us should probably think a bit more about. We are shown a lot of different material about sex and love and relationships in today’s media. But that doesn’t mean it’s always how it works in real life. I think this movie is going to do a great job showing that just because you see it on TV or at the movies doesn’t mean those same things will translate to real life.

Ok, I know this was kind of a heavy post today. So to lighten the mood, here’s a Don Juan porn.

 

So I finally got around to seeing Harmony Korine’s newest movie, Spring Breakers, a few days ago. If you are unfamiliar, the movie stars a cast of fine looking young gals including Vanessa Hudgens, Rachel Korine, Selena Gomez, and Ashley Benson (pictured below respectively). The main gist is that these four college girls are bored at school and want to get away during spring break. Through a series of absurd events, they make it to spring break and party their asses off. While away, they come in contact with a rapper, played by none other than James Franco, who gets the girls into even more trouble.

Spring Breakers

selena gomez vanessa hudgensThis movie is an hour and a half, in your face, thrill ride. Whether you think it is a quality film or not, one thing is for sure, you will NOT be bored. Through the entire movie, though, the one thing running through my mind was, “What if this movie was a porno?!” The cast of incredibly attractive women is already rarely seen with anything but bikinis on. And let’s be honest, who among us hasn’t dreamed about the innocent Disney actresses Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens getting a little hot and heavy together.

There are so many scenes that would have been better served if the girls just took the next step and removed those bikinis. We all know one of the classic porn situations is a girl getting in trouble with the police. The officer comes in, and well, you know how the rest goes. They had the perfect opportunity for that in this movie when the girls get busted doing drugs at a party! Sadly we are forced to leave it to our imaginations and wonder what could have been.

spring breakers handcuffed

The closest we come in the movie to actually seeing some action is when Ashley Benson and Vanessa Hudgens join Franco in a pool and do some making out. It may not be everything that I had hoped and dreamed for, but for now, it’s still more than what you’re going to get with most movies you catch in a theater.

Overall, the movie is absolutely hilarious and wild. There’s plenty of drugs, sex, and violence to satisfy the craziest of us. Maybe we’ll get lucky one day, and these ladies will decide to give the world the sequel we all want…Spring Breakers 2: Full Exposure. Until then, I highly recommend sitting down to watch this with some friends and enjoying a few good laughs.

 

benson hudgens kiss

Marie Luv is definitely one of the hottest black porn stars to come on the scene in a long time. She’s got a sexy body, killer face, and demon curves. Check her out in some of my favorite movies of hers after the jump.
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Jenna Jameson actually looks pretty hot for being a Zombie. These pictures are from her movie Zombie Strippers. I haven’t seen it yet, but these pictures kinda make me want to.

See the rest of the Jenna Jameson pictures.

A couple weeks before I came back to work here, Stoya and her fine ass were occupying my seat. We love her here at HotMovies, she’s a great girl and on top of that she used to be one of us. Thankfully for you perverts out there, she got out from behind a desk and went on to make top quality porn for us all to enjoy. So check out this free gallery of Stoya from the movie Sister Midnite.

Full Movie.

Free Gallery.