Are you a non-essential government employee that got furloughed due to the government shutdown? If so, that really sucks, and I’m very sorry to hear that. I always like to think of the words of the great Ron Swanson in these moments of government absurdity.
However, as shitty as the news has been lately for you; one company is trying to help out. Vibrators.com has come out with one of the best promotional ideas I’ve seen in a long time. For all you government employees out of work, you have the chance to get a FREE vibrator from the site.
And this isn’t just some trick to get you to by something else from them. There’s no “spend $20 and get a free vibrator” or anything like that. Vibrators.com is simply giving away 200 of these sex toys a day during the government shutdown.
Now, the site has no way of verifying if you are or aren’t an actual government employee. So do the honorable thing and save the vibrators for those who really need it! If you’re still lucky enough to be working at your job, think about those poor folks sitting at home who have been deemed “non-essential”. They’ve had it tough as of late. And honestly, what else are they supposed to do besides masturbate all day with no job to go to? So stop being greedy and save the sex toys for those who really need a pick-me-up.
Oh, and if you think you can pull a quick one on the site and take advantage of this offer by ordering a bunch of free vibrators…think again! You see, Vibrators.com has a strict one per person policy. Try to be sneaky, and you might just end up with nothing
We are canceling orders from greedy people. Order twice or order two different free gifts without making purchase and you will get nothing.
So instead of just sitting around and watching Republicans and Democrats fuck over the American public; turn on some literal dirty politics and have some fun with your brand new free vibrator.