When you’re watching porn, sex seems like such an easy thing to do. It’s no problem to pick up your girl and start banging or to do any number of other difficult sex positions. Meanwhile if you tried that in real life, there’s a good chance that you both end up on the floor with a few bumps and bruises. But that’s what happens when you can edit out all of the awkward moments and weird noises that happen during real sex. Because as I’m sure you all know, that stuff is almost guaranteed during actual sex. It’s impossible to avoid. Shit just happens. So here’s a list of some things that I absolutely hate about sex.
Fear Of A Broken Penis
The thing I hate more than anything in sex is when a girl is on top riding you, and she just pays no regard to the safety of your dick. Ladies, you have to be careful up there! Things slip out easily. I’d prefer that if that were to happen, that my penis not be crushed and bent because you’re just bouncing around like a damn lunatic.
Cramps! Nothing is worse than when things are starting to get really heavy, and BOOM, now you have an incredibly painful leg cramp. So now you’re left with 2 options. One, you stop the sex completely, let your partner know that you’re in pain, and in doing so, ruin the entire moment. Two, you try to sneakily stretch out your leg without your partner knowing while continuing the sex. Yeah, good luck with that one. Either way, both options suck.
So you think the girl you’re hooking up with having long, flowing hair is really hot? Sure, I bet it looks awesome. Well just wait until she gets on top of you and you guys start going at it. Because all of that beautiful, luscious hair that you adore so much is about to fall right on your face and most likely end up in your mouth.
Random Body Noises
Some noises during sex are great. For instance, moaning and shouting are both good indications that things are going well. However, the body is a strange thing. And hearing skin slapping against other skin or that suction sound that happens sometimes when you’re sweaty and bodies are sticking together is just awful. You have to really be close to the person you’re having sex with to not let these make the situation awkward. God forbid you let out a fart with someone you’re with for the first time. Have fun trying to get back in the mood of things after that.
Overall, sex is obviously fantastic and a great time. But let’s not act like it’s the most perfect thing out there. There are definitely some flaws and uncomfortable moments. And these are just a few of the things that I really hate about sex.