Dear Porn,

I hope this letter finds you well.

I’m going to get straight to the point. There’s something we need to discuss. We’ve been together for nearly 20 years and I have to get this off my chest.

Porn – take it easy on the anal (no pun intended). Sure, anal is fine, even good, but it doesn’t need to be in every scene.

I like spinach, but I don’t need to eat it with every meal. And when I do have spinach, I don’t find it necessary to pry it apart with my fingers and spit into it before I eat it.

Belladonna is a lovely woman, but, as I am not a doctor, I don’t need to check her colon for inflamed diverticula, especially while masturbating.

As you have always been good to me, I’m sure you will take this into consideration.

More letters to come, my love.

Yours,

R.Y.
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