Today is Valentine’s Day. Quite possibly the shittiest of all the holidays to be alone on. Everywhere you turn romance is being shoved down your face. Don’t even think about going on Facebook today if you’re already feeling down and lonely. You’d have to be a true masochist to do that to yourself. It’s nothing but photos of couples being affectionate and long written statuses about how much people love each other. But as tough it is, don’t get too down. There is one thing out there that is always there for us loners. And that thing would be porn.

bender valentine's day meme

Forget the fancy clothes, expensive dinner, and roses that are just going to die after a few days. Is that stuff really what you want? No, it’s not. Chances are the only reason you’re feeling down this Valentine’s Day if you’re alone is because you’re not going to get laid. Well screw those people. You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to jerk off all damn night. While all those couples out there are having their 20 minutes of sex and calling it a night, we’re going to go at it for hours! We’re not going to have to try and buy our way into getting a blow job. No, you want blow jobs? Here, have all the fucking blow jobs and deepthroating you could ever ask for.

And if you really want to get into the Valentine’s Day spirit, then you can check out these films to get the full experience!

Valentine’s Day Getaway

 Valentine’s Day Assacre 2

So instead of being sad and mopey this Valentine’s Day, think of all the money you’re saving and how you don’t have to beg for any type of specific sex that you might want. You have something so much better. You have the company of tons of hot girls who will give you whatever you want. Let porn be your Valentine this year.


Valentine’s Day is coming up, and it’s time to start thinking of gift ideas for the lady. Every year it ends up being the same thing. You either get chocolates, flowers, or jewelry. This year, how about you try something fun and new. Get her something practical that can be used all the time and will last longer than a week. What you should get your woman this year for Valentine’s Day is the pussy snorkel.

pussy snorkel

Sadly, it appears this particular product is no longer in existence. If you attempt to go to the url in the ad, you get nothing. However, this seems like a fairly simple DIY project. Really all you’ll need is some tubing and a little piece to go in the nose. Then you have the perfect gift! You’ll be able to go down on your valentine for however long  you want with no need to come up for air. I guarantee that she’ll love it. Not only did you take the time to make something, but it’s also benefiting her in bed a great deal.

But let’s be real. We don’t just get Valentine’s Day presents to make our significant others happy. We get them nice things so in return they’ll have lots of hot, passionate sex with us. Well this holds true if you give the pussy snorkel. If anything, it will guarantee you even more sex than if you gave her jewelry because just by putting the gift to use you’ve already started foreplay.

So be a generic, average guy if you want and come home with some shitty roses you picked up at a gas station on the way home from work. But if you really want to wow her, then spend a little time and make her her own custom pussy snorkel and give her hours of uninterrupted pleasure.


We have something special for you and your partner this Valentines Day!

When it comes to the art of love, love making, and down-right raunchy sex play, there a few more knowledgeable and dedicated than the wonderful staff of HotMovies’ sister site, HMFH Coordinator and Head Perv, JD Bauchery has put together a list of the Top 5 Instructional Videos For You and Your Partner on Valentines Day!

Apart from her daily workings at HotMoviesForHer that includes adult movie reviews, a specialization in sexual pleasure, and the interests of sexual minorities, JD has a Masters Degree in Human Sexuality and Education. She puts this knowledge to use on reg while she’s hosting monthly sex seminars with her ScrewSmart sex education group in Philadelphia and throughout the US. JD and her HotMoviesForHer team have created one of the Internet’s best and safest communities to express sexuality and talk about pleasure. So when we say we have an expert list of the best instructional adult videos below, you know we’re not exaggerating.

JD has been kind enough to create a 20 MINUTE FREE OFFER good for new users on any movie below or any movie at or

Simply CLICK HERE to get going and collect your free minutes.

Top 5 Instructional Videos For You and Your Partner on Valentines Day!

If increasing the horny is what you’re looking to do, there is nothing sexier than hearing that someone is interested in your pleasure. You’ll be dropping panties left and right when you let your lady know that their enjoyment is at the top of the list. Let awesome sex educator fill you in on all the special tips and tricks to bringing your lady the best of the big O!

Use the 50 Shades hysteria to your benefit with this steamy intro to kink. By starting with an instructional, you offer a video that’s both a little less intimidating and full of all the basics you need to keep your BDSM safe and sexy.
Sure, you know the old standards, like missionary, cowgirl and doggie style, but what about all those other gymnastic feats you’ve been watching in porn for years? Lucky for you, these attractive couples spent a week on location in Jamaica with sex educator to learn 101 different positions to help you increase the amount of plays in your playbook. Whether you are looking to last longer, give her a fuller orgasm, or just spice it up a bit – this instructional is the one to watch.

It’s pretty impossible to look through how-to movies and not stumble upon the amazing Nina Hartley. This beautiful blonde has been around the block more than a few times and become a not only a legend in the industry, but also a M.V.P. when it comes to giving folks the info they need to have the best sex they can have. Let Hartley give you the basics on joint climax – I promise she won’t let you down.

Alright, so this movie isn’t like all the other instructionals I’ve listed. In fact, I don’t know if I would even call it an instructional as much as porno queen Belladonna’s extremely hot stream of conscious fuck fest. It’s definitely like no other how-to I’ve seen before, though Belladonna does break down her killer blow job techniques and makes sure to give us demos. Basically, if you are looking for an educational movie that’s a little harder and edgier, Belladonna is the one for you.

Alex Chance, a hot new addition to the porn star community, is giving West Coast fans a fun Valentine’s Day present, hosting Porn Star Karaoke (PSK) at Sardo’s Grill and Lounge in Burbank, California. Sardo’s began the tradition of Tuesday night PSK back in 2003, and now it is one of the longest running adult entertainment events on the West Coast. Of course, this year it’s made better by the fact that it is Valentine’s Day. Oh, and did we mention that one of the hottest new performers in the business is hosting?

How hot is Alex? We’re not ones to make subjective judgments for other people, but if you check her out, we think you’ll agree that the adult industry has a rising star on/in their laps/hands.

Take a moment to get to know Alex Chance.

Alex entered into the business in Miami in 2011. She quickly rose through the ranks and has appeared in movies by studios ranging from Reality Kings to Evil Angel. This spring she’s featured in issues of Vmag and Naughty Neighbors. She can light up the screen, or serve as captivating centerfold. Either way, fans win!

It all starts with a body that leaves even the serious aficionado amazed. Check out these stats:

  • She’s 5’8″ tall.
  • Alex cuts out a curvy 150 lbs.
  • And, we swear this isn’t a misprint, she has all natural 36 DDD’s. Her cups runneth over.

Want to know a little more about Alex Chance?

We can’t say we blame you. She was born in Virginia on April 19, 1989. In under one year she’s “racked up” (and we say that in awe) over 50 scenes with some of the big names in the industry. And, apparently, she can sing, though we’re pretty sure that most guys in the place are distracted by her other natural gifts.

Want to know about the event?

You can find Sardo’s at 259 N. Pass Ave in Burbank, California. PSK starts at 9 PM and is open to anyone 21 and over with a valid picture ID. Also, you might want to get there a little early to beat the rush. Our guess is that once word gets out that people can spend their Valentine’s Day in the company of Alex Chance, the lines will grow.

Hat tip to AVN.

HotMovies Valentines Day  Free Porn for Couples

Philadelphia, PA – To celebrate Valentine’s Day, is offering their entire network for free between 4 and 6 PM Eastern Standard Time, February 14th and launching, a site focusing on the more romantic side of adult entertainment.

Hotmovies Valentines Day Free Porn MinutesThis move comes on the heels of their tremendously popular free access promotion on Christmas 2010, which celebrated the addition of HotMovies’ 150,000th adult film, making them the largest provider of pay-per-view adult material in the world. Visitors will have free access to all of the streaming pay-per-minute content after age verification. “We do use a credit card for account creation and age verification,” HotMovies spokesperson James Cybert said, “but there are no automatic charges or hidden charges, and from 4 to 6 on Valentine’s Day, no charges at all.” Valentines Day Porn Video Offer for CouplesBut why give away streaming video on Valentine’s Day? “It’s all about safety,” Cybert explained. “A lot of people will be going out on dates, even though it is a Monday night. Collectively, that’s a lot of stress and pressure out there on the streets. All I’m saying is, don’t go out with a loaded gun.”

Of course not everyone will be going out on Valentine’s Day. Couples that stay in are encouraged to expand their horizons on James Cybert commented, “Hot Movies for Couples features the softer and more playful side of our catalogue. It’s a safe place for couples who aren’t ready for the whips and chains at, or the fresh crop of hardcore at” Cybert then pointed out that all of those sites would be included in the promotion. has been developed recently to meet the needs of couples who want to watch porn together, and for those just getting started with adult entertainment. Cybert assured us that it wasn’t just the design of the site that sets it apart. “We hand pick these titles for their acting, their stories, and their themes. Couples who are getting into watching porn together are looking for some fantasy. It’s about being taken on a journey; an adventure with the one you love.”

The HotMovies studio team can be reached at 1-800-611-MOVIE.