There is no way to put this delicately: I loved Not Jersey Boys XXX: A Porn Musical so much that I called my mom to tell her about it. I warned her that she might not want to watch the whole movie and that was ok, but she’d really love the script and songs. I know she didn’t believe me, but she did ask about the song parodies. I felt sheepish telling her about “Big Tits Don’t Lie” and “Oh, She Was Tight,” but I got a good laugh from her anyway. Too bad she won’t watch the whole movie because it’s really a fun film. Even without the sex, this porn movie is worth watching. It’s perfectly cast and fucking hilarious.
X-Play and director Will Ryder are not new to the porn parody game, and Not Jersey Boys XXX is the pinnacle of their achievements to date. From the start of the movie, you’re thrust (pun) into the world of a few dime-a-dozen 60′s singers looking for a their big break. It’s not until smarmy Tommy DeVito, played by Chad Diamond, gives a naive and awkward Franki Valli, brilliantly played by Tommy Pistol, a pair of nut-cinching pants that give him the band’s much-sought signature sound. It’s called falsetto to most of us, but “false dental” to Tommy.
All of the sex scenes in Not Jersey Boys are fun and really sexy. I wouldn’t discourage you from watching any of them. It’s just that the comedy in the film is so good that I want to make sure you don’t fast forward through those parts just to get to the sex. I truly love how awkwardly uncomfortable Carmen Caliente ‘s character, Three Finger Martha From Da Bowling Alley, made me feel. Between the gum chewing and arm flap dancing, I can’t look away. Seeing someone so cute act so weird is a fast way to my heart. Just watch:
The oddest side effect of watching Not Jersey Boys was having the songs stuck in my head for weeks after hearing them. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons had some really catchy songs, so it’s no surprise that one might get stuck in your head. Seriously, how can you not hear “I’ll fuck you, baby/I’ll even eat you out/And if you blow me/I won’t come in your mouth” in place of the real lyrics after this?
I’ll be really honest about Not Jersey Boys. When I first heard that a porn parody of the Jersey Boys was in the works, I was just baffled why anyone would parody that. After viewing Not Jersey Boys numerous times, I get it. I totally get it, and I admit I was wrong for having doubts. I need other people to watch this XXX movie so I can have someone else with whom to sing the songs. All in all, Not Jersey Boys far exceeded my expectations. I’ve recommended it to multiple friends and keep working the movie into conversations. I watch A LOT of porn, and it’s easy to become blase about XXX movies. Way to go X-Play and everyone involved for shaking up my brain in the best way.
Full cast list: