We all know politicians can be a pervy bunch. From Anthony Weiner’s sexting scandal to JFK being a flat out player back in the day, sex has been a huge part of politics. So I thought to myself, what better way to celebrate our political leaders than by imagining which ones would make the best sex tapes? Keep in mind this is only going to include US politicians, as the rest of the world has some absolute bombshells that would make this competition completely unfair.
10. Paul Ryan
Paul Ryan, Wisconsin Rep and VP selection under the Romney campaign, starts our list off at number 10. Ryan is a clear bro. He works out and looks like 90% of the guys you’re going to find at the gym. This makes him a solid choice for our list.
9. Chris Christie
Coming in at number 9 is the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. The man just flat out looks like he’s from north Jersey. What I’m picturing for Mr. Christie is some sort of spoof where he’s the boss of a mob family. Like if Fat Tony from The Simpsons did porn.
8. Barack Obama
No list of top US politicians would be complete without the President himself. However, for this sex tape, we’re going to need a time machine. I don’t want to see current day, boring Obama nailing some chick. What I want is the cool, hip Barack that had a mini fro and got high.
7. Hillary Clinton
6. Jesse Ventura/Arnold Schwarzenegger
At number 6 on the list we find our first pairing. These two former governors have worked together before. In 1987, they found themselves all hot and steamy fighting off the Predator. So why not bring these two beefcakes back for more with Predator: Jungle Sex Party? I think it has a nice ring to it.
5. Bill Clinton
Former President, Bill Clinton, has seen his fair share of scandal. So why not add a little more for us Bill? This silver fox adds just the right amount of smoothness to our list at number 5. Break out the saxophone and massage oils, and give the people something fresh.
4. Sarah Palin/Michele Bachmann
Our first female combo features a couple of Republican ladies. I think it’s safe to say that both of these women have a bit of crazy in them and would make for an entertaining show regardless of your political views. If you take a look at the picture you’ll see that Bachmann’s hand is getting started in the right direction. Who knows? Maybe they already have some freaky Tea Party origies going on behind closed doors.
3. Kristi Noem
Kristi Noem is an American woman if there ever was one. This Republican Rep from South Dakota lives on a ranch and enjoys hunting in her spare time. She likes to drive fast and has no time for rules. But the real reason she made it to number 3 on our list is because she is without a doubt the most attractive female in US politics today. Keep making your country proud Ms. Noem!
2. Aaron Schock
For the same reasons that Paul Ryan made the list at 10, we see Aaron Schock at 2. However, Schock has gone above and beyond, blowing Ryan’s body out of the water. This man is in peak physical shape and has the perfect body to get caught on tape to be America’s new favorite sex scandal. Maybe him and Kristi Noem can meet up and give us a two for one deal.
1. John F. Kennedy
At last, we have reached the end. Up to this point I’ve kept it rather recent history. However, for number 1 I had to make an exception and name JFK tops on our list of the politicians we’d most like to see do a sex tape. The man was rumored to have numerous affairs, including one withe one of the biggest sex symbols of all time, Marilyn Monroe.